In my own personal development—and in my work with clients—I’ve long been fascinated by the forces that seem to hold us back: our inner judges, saboteurs, limiting beliefs, and shadow sides. These inner figures, while uncomfortable, reveal the intelligent mechanisms we create to keep ourselves safe, even if that safety often comes at the cost of growth and joy.
I remember my first coaching training vividly. Simply identifying the voices of my own saboteurs—becoming aware of how and when they appeared—gave me new power. Just noticing created space to choose differently.
But over time I learned that merely naming saboteurs or trying to “send them away” doesn’t go deep enough. Human beings are too complex for that. To truly grow, we need to explore the nuances of our reactivity: those patterns that both limit us and, paradoxically, try to protect us.
Differentiating the Inner Critic from the Inner Guardians
I must invite you to make a distinction, that may challenge the language you have been using up until now: Â
• The Inner Critic (or Judge): This is the relentless, shaming voice that says things like, “You’re an idiot. Who do you think you are?” Or some other cruel language that belittles and bullies us, especially when we dare to step out of our comfort zone.Left unchallenged, it feeds on our attention, consuming cognitive and emotional resources while reinforcing cycles of self-attack/violence and internalized shame.
Psychological research teaches us about the importance of metacognitive awareness in dealing with this voice. By noticing and labelling the presence of self-bullying thoughts, we can learn to intentionally stop feeding this life diminishing narrative and redirect our attention elsewhere, thereby weakening the critic’s influence and fostering greater self-compassion and psychological flexibility.
“Our inner critic is heartless self-shaming and self-bullying in action.” —Robert Augustus Masters, PhD
• The Inner Guardians (formerly “saboteurs”): These are subtler. They have two faces: at times they sabotage us, keeping us confined to familiar patterns, true. But they can also act as allies, upholding our values, talents, and sense of meaning.
Take my own story. As a recovering people pleaser, I first labeled this part of me “Submisa”—the one who says yes to everything, loses track of her needs, and bends to others’ expectations until she feels anxious, resentful, unseen or depressed. At first, I judged Submisa harshly. “She must go!”, was my perspective then.
Later, I began to question: was this coping strategy of pleasing an attempt to feel safe and connected?
I had only seen Submisa as a reactive force…Could I maybe discover her creative face?
Embracing the Paradox: Guardians are Allies and Saboteurs
Why are saboteurs or, as I call them, Inner Guardians so important in coaching?
Because they guard the edges of our comfort zone. They keep us in the familiar, even when it is uncomfortable, unhealthy or dangerous. They resist change, often sabotaging the very growth we long for.
Yet within that resistance lies wisdom. It is in the tension between ally and saboteur that inner guardians show us where the edges of our comfort zone lay, and that which we are being called to expand. They can give us clues on how to do so while remaining true to needs, values and purpose.
The perfectionist who constantly looks for mistakes may create stress but also brings the gift of precision and discernment. The pleaser may overextend but also embodies a deep capacity for empathy and connection.
When I began to see Submisa’s other face, she transformed into “ICare”—a guardian who teaches me about the edges between giving and receiving, listening to others and to myself, caring for others while also caring for my own wellbeing; edges tracing important needs and values I long to honour differently.
Guardians Become Guards
Our inner guardians protect something precious: our sense of safety that as humans, entails connection, belonging, and agency. Their armor is woven with threads of our fears but also with stolen strands of our values, needs and strengths.
But they often have a one track mind. For example, Submisa’s track was one of people pleasing and avoiding conflict.
They defend fiercely in the only ways they know how, without nuance, insisting their way is THE way. When challenged, they can become rigid guards: resisting, avoiding, giving in or sabotaging. Their protective strategies echo our primal stress responses: fight, flight, fawn or freeze.
In coaching, exploring these archetypes helps us recognize not only how we resist, but also what our resistance points toward: what we most treasure. By expanding our comfort zone and befriending our guardians, we reclaim choice, creativity, and wholeness as we grow. Â
A Final Thought
Our inner critic shrinks us. Our inner guardians, though sometimes obstructive, ultimately hold keys to our growth. By learning to see both their limiting and creative faces, we transform resistance into wisdom.
This reframing allows us to meet ourselves—and others—with more compassion, awareness, and freedom.
✨ Which of your inner guardians is asking to be seen today?
✨ Coaches- How does this serve you in working with Guardians – your client’s and your own?
